an open letter to friends and family

Late last night my husband popped his head into our bedroom, "Babe?"

"Yes..."

"Are you still awake?"

"I am."

He then quietly asked if he could read me something. To which, thinking he was going to supply the latest clever commentary from his blog, I replied, "You're lucky I love you."

His solemn answer was a barely audible, "I know." This is what he read to me:

We drove in snow tonight. The wipers batted feebly at snowflakes glowing in halogen beams. I hunched over the wheel, staring at diminishing ruts in the slush, distracted by sopping whiteness that kept coming and coming and drawing my gaze from the road, nursing the accelerator, trying to stay ahead of approaching headlights and behind nearing taillights. Branches laden with early snow jutted out of the darkness. My wife sang along with the CD over the noise of the road and the sound of splashing tires.

This morning, fifteen minutes before the first bell, the staff met in the library to hear bad news. Usually I stand on the margin unaffected, unaware of the loss, but not this morning. This morning they said Brittany's name. Car accident, life support, brain dead, words that swirled in a snowy blur, dazzling, blinding.

In my memory: a persistent smile. A wicked grin, sometimes. A hello in the hall, a chat every week or so. Laughing about last year's class. Trying to predict the future. Fidgeting, shaky confidence, typical for a junior. Slight hesitation. Looking for approval. Tossing out big plans of school overseas, community college first, though. Running Start. Maybe soon, maybe later.

What should I do, Mr. Anderson? Don't wait, Brittany--sign up now. You never know how life could change, what'll happen in days or months. Yeah, she says, unsure but sympathetic. I dunno. A goofy grin. Take your chance while you've got it. Circumstances change. You'll change. You never know.

I said that. A day before the crash, I said that.

We drive in snow, searching the darkness for the road ahead, looking for the friendly glow of taillights, spurred on by the headlights behind us. We take our chances, we guess, we stray. We smile and press on until our moment comes and the snow and the darkness swallow us up and we are but shadows of ourselves in the memories of those who drive in snow.

On Sunday November 20th, my sister was shopping at JC Penney in the Tacoma Mall when gun fire erupted less than fifty yards away. My brother was hit by a car while riding his bike on the streets of Bellingham. On Monday the 21st my mom got the unofficial word that she had gotten a long-awaited new job with her employer. That same night while she was driving home she nearly ran over a woman lying in the road who had already been hit, and left, by another car.

On November 24th my family had every reason to give thanks--we were all okay.

Our lives can change forever in the blink of an eye and we often have no control over it. My husband sometimes teases me because I sing all of the time, but recently I think he got it when he said "You always have a song in your heart." And I do--because I love my life, my family, my friends, and I know that at any given second they may not be around any more.

We're all driving through this snow storm of life together; When you're leading my headlights will be shining behind you to encourage you to go on, when you're following my taillights will be there to guide you; I know you'll do the same for me.

I love you all very much and wish you a wonderful holiday season this year. Please remember this as you're going through life. Live each day of life as if it is a holiday, joyous and worthy of celebration.

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The bottom line

Wal-Mart has just offered it's employees a new low-cost health insurance package. It's being lauded as a step in the right direction...and I am immediately suspicious.

It probably seems like a more than generous offer to the "humanitarian" millionaires who own Wal-Mart, but cheap is all a matter of perspective. Sure the monthly premiums are low, but if you read the whole article you see that the plan has high patient contributions toward prescription costs, high emergency room co-pays, and higher deductibles. If you're at all familiar with insurance plans then you know that patient co-payments including those for prescriptions, office visits, and emergency room visits do not count toward your annual deductible. Still cheap? Consider also that most Wal-Mart employees make under $19K per year.

Wal-Mart has always done everything in it's power to thwart efforts at unionization and this seems to be a conciliatory attempt on the company's behalf; one that wasn't designed with the employee's quality of life in mind.

I really want to believe that I am just being cynical; perhaps Wal-Mart is truly taking a step in the right direction. However, in light of the article this week in the times regarding yet another infamous Wal-Mart memo, I am led to believe that Wal-Mart's motives are not altruistic.

The bottom line is that Wal-Mart is only concerned with their bottom line.

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"Over the Shoulder, And Over the Top"

"A bag is sort of like a portable house. It represents you."

"For some women, finding the right bag is as important as oxygen."

These two quotes, ripped from the Thursday Styles section of the Times (NY that is) put the whole thing into perspective for me now. And if you're wondering exactly what I'm talking about when I say the "whole thing", feel free to read about my own personal dilemma. It's amazing to me that we live in such a vacuous and superficial society that we would let a fashion accessory define who we are to others. I thought our biggest concern was with encouraging conspicuous consumption in teens, but when an otherwise highly intelligent adult person would choose to spend upwards of $3000.00 on an accessory item that will be outdated faster than their laptop, I have to wonder at the scope of the problem. I think we're setting a bad example for the younger generation. And to those who would spend that much just to look cool to others I would offer this bit of advice: if you want to invest in something that will really make you feel good about yourself, try taking that three grand and slapping it down on tuition for someone who can't afford a college education, let alone such frivolity.

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dilemma

I hawk handbags for a living. You know which ones I'm talking about; they have vivid colors and high visibility logos, they have trendy sounding names and cost more than my husband and I spend on groceries in a month.

Many of you may know these accessories simply as purses, (things that most women find vital for the transport of every day personal items) but at the unnamed upscale retail store where I'm employed the entire department I work in is officially called Better Handbags. Why better you might ask? Well certainly because they're "better" than other handbags, or at least that is what the prices on said handbags would lead you to believe.

The quandry that I find myself in is that I'm often forced to sell overpriced handbags--clutches, satchels, wristlets, shoulder bags, crossbodies, totes, hobos, etc.-- to underage girls, against my better judgment. Now I know that there is no legal age at which one can purchase a handbag, but should a 15 year old girl really be buying a $250.00 Dooney & Bourke to use as a book-bag? Certainly, I've met very few teens whose behavior would warrant such extravagant rewards (I know my own never did and I was a good kid).

So, what do I do? I have to sling handbags to help out with the expense of being a full-time college student, and to give my husband and myself a little financial breathing room. What do I do when I faced with the very real possibility that I am promoting conspicuous consumption among the youth of America?

I smile and nod encouragingly...

"Your friends are all going to be so jealous when they see you at school with a Coach. I'm sure you'll be so happy with your new handbag."

I'm certainly going to be happy with my 7 percent commission; at the very least it will help me to silence my conscience.

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A sneak peek...

At long last...

A mere fraction, an iota, a tiny glimpse of the hundreds upon hundreds of wedding pictures that our photographers took on our happy day. And believe me when I say these don't begin to scratch the surface of the number of photos that we actually received. A big shout-out and thanks-a-bunch to Mathay Photography. Our photos turned out better than we ever dreamed and the experience was much more fun than either of us could have imagined.

Without further ado...

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It's official

Well, after much prodding and prompting, my husband (who has been blogging for over a year now) has finally convinced me to create a blog of my own. Will it be my platform for discussing world issues and literature? I don't know. Will I have a readership outside my family and group of friends? I don't think so. So why, you might ask, am I creating a blog? As a quick and easy way to share big and small moments from the lives of Melissa and Jim Anderson with those who would care to "hear" about them.

On August 20th, 2004 Jim and I were wed in a very small, private ceremony to which we invited only our parents and siblings. Almost two weeks ago, we celebrated our first anniversary by saying "I do" all over again in a much larger ceremony to which we invited (what seems like) everyone we know. Shortly thereafter we winged our way to Washington, D.C. for the nerdiest honeymoon in the history of all honeymoons. Our week of fun included visiting tons of museums, checking out government buildings, even attending and participating in a panel discussion on Biotechnology held by Reason Magazine.

Honeymoon now over and regular life resumed, I thought it would be a good idea to share some photos with everyone. Some are from the day of our "re-wedding" and some are from the honeymoon.

Enjoy!

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wedding photos galore

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